About lolquietly

OCTOBER 2011

It has been almost a year since we have spoken. I haven’t heard anything from him. It was only this morning that I got a one word text.

“Coffee?”

This time I’m not waiting. This time he’s waiting for me, up on the top level of Bewley’s on Dublin’s Grafton Street. He wears black jeans and a plain black t-shirt. His hair is messy but short and his face is covered half covered in what I can only assume is supposed to be a designer beard. As I sit down in front of him a lovely young lady with curly black hair places a large put of coffee and two cups on the table.

What’s the story?

Not much story. What about you?

I’m just grand. What have you been doing with yourself, you haven’t been blogging much?

I haven’t. I kind of ignore the blog now. I’m doing other things.

Really? Like what?

If I told you, I’d probably reveal my secret identity.

Oh yeah, that. That Twitter account doesn’t link to lolquietly anymore, why is that?

I don’t know. That fellow does football writing and some other stuff. Fair play to him.

You don’t like that?

Football journalism is rubbish and I doubt he particularly enjoys it.

So what are you doing? Where are all the stories and poems?

I want to write a book, so I’m keeping plenty of material instead of posting it here. I don’t think publishers like printing things that are already floating around the internet.

Right, and I guess you’ve written about a thousand words?

A few more than that but it will be written.

And are you in good form? Last time I saw you, you were in a terrible state.

I’m okay, yes.

So you’re fine? There’s nothing wrong? Come on, there’s always something?

No, I’m just grand. I need to get a job though.

A job? Oh, you wrote something about Steve Jobs! How did that go down?

Em, okay. Some people didn’t like it, which I didn’t really understand. I was just saying that I couldn’t understand why there was such a mass outpouring of love for some guy that ran a business. It was utterly bizarre. I still don’t understand what happened with that.

Are you glad that Steve Jobs died?

No, of course not. I feel bad for him. It really sucks to die. But he’s not a saint or anything like that.

Are you afraid of death?

Yes, but I have this idea. I want to fight a series of wild animals and have it filmed. I’ll eventually fight an anaconda and an alligator, but not at the same time.

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Why the hell would you want to do that?

I don’t know. It just seems like a really good idea.

It is a silly idea and you’d probably be eaten by the anaconda. Don’t be so silly.

It might be good in the book.

Yeah. Yeah, it might. Are you going to blog anymore?

Of course I will. That site still gets enough views to boost my ego. I’ll put poems on it, and other Steve Jobs things.

Yeah, you;ve been writing a good few poems, you had a poetry month. Why?

I really have no idea. I don’t like my poems but some other people say they do so that’s grand for me.

Right, I’m off.

No, stay. I’ll get another pot of coffee.

And so I sat with lolquietly. Except from then on, he was himself. I think he is probably still a lonely alcoholic with a complex about his position in the world. He probably doesn’t sleep very well. But for the moment he is coping. He did tell me one thing though. He told me I could tell the world who he is. So here it is.

lolquietly is a cat. His name is Charles Cat.

NOVEMBER 2010

Time has passed since he started his blog and a lot has changed. It looks completely different now, and the content has veered off almost exclusively into fiction. The use of twitter has meant a slight lapse in his anonymous status. So I’m back to see how lolquietly has been getting on.

Yet again I’m waiting in a Dublin café. He’s late. I don’t know why and he’s not going to tell me. Staring out through the window, I see a shabby character. It’s him but he looks different. He’s got a silly moustache, most likely for Movember, but looks terrible. His eyes are recessed into the back of his head and dark black bags hold them up. His hair is messy, as if he has cut it himself, and perhaps with a knife and fork. He has a red Liverpool scarf wrapped around his neck and a big black duffel jacket, but shivers all the same. He sits in front of me and begins to drink my coffee.

Hi. How are you?

I’m okay, could be worse I suppose. You?

Grand, thank you. You don’t look too great, if you don’t mind me saying.

Cheers. Trouble sleeping, you know.

Is that related to your last blog entry? It’s a pretty painful little story.

Oh, kind of. Lots going on. I’m okay, really.

Alright. I mentioned your last blog entry, ‘Snow.’ It’s another work of fiction rather than the opinion pieces that were written at the beginning. This one seems quite personal, maybe I’m wrong, but there has been a trend towards short fiction with a point?

Yes. I wouldn’t say I enjoy writing all the time. I certainly didn’t enjoy writing ‘Snow.’ But I’ve found an outlet in short fiction, and in longer pieces outside of this blog, where I can express myself, often opinions but sometimes feelings, and stay sane. You’ll still see more journalistic polemics, I’m sure, but at the moment this is what’s getting me through.

How do you find writing fiction with a point behind it?

There’s never really just one point, there’s a lot going on, or there is for me. “Bleed between the lines,” you know. But it can be really good. Some of my subjects, like in the Cultural Consumption pieces, really suit opinions that I have and want to get across. And maybe people just like reading the stories, even if some of the content can get pretty crazy.

You’ve also changed the layout a little?

I have. I think it looks better now, more personalised. I regularly change the background image to whatever takes my fancy, so it won’t get boring. It swings with my moods.

You’re still blogging anonymously. But you have a twitter that links to your site. Explain?

Who says that it’s my twitter?

Well, it just seems like it is. @lethalbitofkit posts your blog updates and -

Yeah but, that could easily just be somebody else, couldn’t it?

Em, I suppose. But -

So leave it at that, yeah?

He looks down at my coffee cup. He seems to be done with it. He looks back up at me and I see a very sad, dejected man in his eyes. I see a borderline alcoholic, a misanthrope, a lonely writer, a hopeless romantic. He’s completely lost.

Why do you blog?

You’ve asked me this before, basically. It’s because -

No, no bullshit. Why do you really do this? Your posts are so obtuse sometimes, particularly since you’ve been venturing into fiction. You don’t appear to have a consistent motivation or a coherent ethic behind what you’re writing. Does blogging give you something?

I get an outlet from it, I suppose. But I don’t understand your question.

You’re desperately trying to swim against the current that is life, the passing of time. You struggle with interminable loneliness, despite a great life. You battle what you dislike through vaguely ideologically motivated and often crude prose. You hope against hope that there’ll be some day where everything is just okay, but even then you’d probably bang your head against a wall and write about how imperfect it all is.

That’s quite detailed. You should blog.

You’re the blogger.

Perhaps you’re right, in a way. I wrote ‘Snow’ about myself, about life in general but mostly about myself. I go through phases, mood-wise and creatively. And I’m at this point of existential and emotional crises, but it’s as if the world is on mute or pause while also hurtling out of my grasp. I can’t even scream back. There are no adequate images or words to express any emotion, not just of mine but collectively. Absolutely everything is a product, there’s nothing that cannot be assimilated into capitalism, consumerism, fashion, irony. Taste has been debased to such a degree that nothing is art or emotion, it’s all just trash. And, as you said, all I can do is bang my head against it, whatever it is. And I can argue against anything but I only ever feel helpless.

And it seems tough.

You can see it on my face? I guess I’m not surprised. I’m wearing, in every way. You should do more interviews. You’re very direct.

Em, thank you.

I don’t know if you got anything useful from me, but you got me.

Well, I guess I’ll have to keep it up. I’ll have to talk to you again in the future.

I’ll try to be happier next time. Promise.

Don’t worry about that. At least it makes for an, em, interesting blog.

Interesting. I like that, yeah. Thanks.

A sad man leaves. He never even took off his coat. He’s back out into the world now and I sit looking at the cup that had been mine, and was now mine again. It seems that he really barely touched it. It’s stone cold now anyway. Snow is falling outside and I know he’ll have a torturous walk home. I hope he has a good snow experience at some point, to wash away the bad one.

*   *   *

JUNE 2010

I’m sitting in a Dublin café, waiting for my interview to happen. He told me on the phone to wear a large red bow in my hair so that he would know who I am when he arrives. I have obliged. As a male, I’m uncomfortable with it.

But now, a man sits in front of me. He asks if I am me and I ask if he is he. He also repeats the request that he made to me in our original phone conversation; that I leave him anonymous. I take off the bow, it is getting me unnecessary attention. We begin speaking of his blog, as that is what we’re here to discuss.

So. Who are you?

lolquietly.

That’s hardly a name?

I am maintaining anonymity, blogging under the title I’ve just given you.

Why are you blogging anonymously?

Well there are a few reasons. To reduce it to a simple answer, it is mostly because I’ve had the pleasure of reading a few blogs by this stage. Sometimes they are really interesting, informative, engaging etc., but often they serve as unbearable self-congratulatory weapons. For some bloggers, particularly since blogging has become so popular, the blog is a means to an end of personal advancement. I think by maintaining anonymity I am, to an extent, maintaining some kind of personal distance from the aim of what I’m writing, an honest observation of the circumstances of our times. You can never detach yourself completely for the sake of observance, but you can and probably should try to keep a distance.

And why the name, lolquietly?

It just seemed appropriate for some reason. ‘Lol’ has taken over our times, it is a synecdochical figure of this era in the first world. It doesn’t really have any grand meaning further than that, nor will I try to attach one over the course of my tenure as a bloggist.

Blogger?

Blogger.

So what is your aim then? How does lolquietly work?

Well to have an aim specifically would, most likely, lead me to some kind of failure sooner or later. I guess I want to have an outlet for observation, to ask questions and ponder answers. Debate is important in properly functional society. All views should partake in the public sphere of intellectual discourse on all topics. If I can contribute in some way to the progression of people’s thoughts, whether they agree or disagree with what I post, then I am playing a progressive part in the public sphere. At least that’s what I’d like to believe.

That’s very noble of you.

I know. I try to be sound like that. That’s why I’ve bought you a coffee.

No, you haven’t.

Oh right, well I owe you a coffee.

I’ll keep that in mind. Anyway, will lolquietly have a particular focus? And how will it be written?

Not as such, I don’t think. I would like to engage with a broad range of topics. I have no specific interest that I will favour, anything that I have something constructive to say, I would like to talk about [sic]. Similarly, I don’t represent any interest groups, nor do I even represent myself as an anonymous bloggist, so I’d like to think I can just be a socio-cultural observer. A post about political corruption could easily be followed by one on a football match, which may be followed by one on a film. With regards to how it is written, it depends on the topic or what I want to say. There is no formula.

Your first couple of posts are mock news articles with somewhat serious undertones, at least from what I can see. Will that be a common thing?

It depends on what I want to write. The fact that the first two are like that is just chance really, there will be varying styles and formats used. I hope that will keep it interesting.

You mentioned some kind of objectivity earlier. You can’t be completely unbiased though, can you?

Of course not. As far as I know, Platonic Enlightenment cannot be achieved. Indeed, even that is subjective. Everybody has been formed in some way, and exists amidst ideology. I can’t be truly objective but that is not such a bad thing sometimes.

I hope it goes well then. I will let you get off to writing now. I’ll make sure to talk to you soon though, and see how this all works out for you.

Thanks. I’ll see you for coffee sometime.

And with that I leave lolquietly to his own devices. He owes me a coffee, so I’ll have to meet him again. Hopefully he won’t need me to wear that stupid bow again. Bastard.